You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
