You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
