I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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