He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Of course I have a pirate flag
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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