If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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