Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
