wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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