Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you never un-have a 4some
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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