i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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