she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Come on in and take your pants off
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