Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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