If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
