I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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