why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
