It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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