Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
