whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
