The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
