After last night, I could never be a politician.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We have started to decorate penises.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
