Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
