Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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