"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
