I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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