I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
