onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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