i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
