I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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