Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
