btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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