id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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