so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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