i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize