Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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