Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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