Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
