I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
