I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
