Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize