Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
