It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They have beer where we have blood.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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