Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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