Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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