So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
