My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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