Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize