Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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