ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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