I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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