you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
