I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
