p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
