I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
