have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
