I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
