never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
