Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
