I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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