the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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