I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
