every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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