See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
