a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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