She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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