genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
