Porn is love you can see.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
