Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
