You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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