five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
