Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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