She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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