Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
