He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
