i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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