Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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