I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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