just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
