1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
