Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
