He uses pillows to masturbate.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I know her cup size but not her name....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
