I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
