I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
