we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
