man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your cock deserves a montage
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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