Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
