My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
