At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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