How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
